Wedding Regret
I've been married for going on five years, and I regret my wedding. I wish I had been more open to eloping instead of trying to salvage a Pinterest-worthy vision that I knew in my heart would be impossible for me to achieve. Between finances, dysfunctional family, and mental health issues, my dream wedding was never going to happen, and I knew that. I have so much wedding regret because I tried so hard to make things work.
When I got married, I expected to have full family support, a team of friends to help me with DIY projects, and a cooperative group of vendors. I had none of that. In this post, I will talk about some of the reasons why I have massive wedding regret. Looking back, I wish I had prioritized the peace of my husband and me. I wish I had celebrated us as who we are instead of trying to fit into a box of traditionalism that I was never going to fit into.
My husband and I come from intense religious backgrounds that we have since walked away from. Some of our family refused to show up because I am my husband's second marriage. I had family show up to my wedding that I explicitly said was not invited because of abuse they have shown me in the past. My own grandfather came into town 3 days before my wedding and left the day before so he wouldn't have to attend my wedding. As I was planning my wedding, I realized how little support we had for our relationship, and that should have been a big reason to shift my wedding vision. I tried so hard to salvage my wedding.
When it came to our wedding party, my husband's best woman went directly against my spoken wishes and did things she was asked not to do. She threw an absolute fit when we told her no one was giving speeches, and she walked out of our wedding without saying goodbye. This was the first time I met this friend because she lives out of state, and when she left, that was the end of her and my husband's 10+ year friendship. To make matters worse, another groomsman decided he was mad and went with her. When picking my bridesmaid, I helped one of my girls with hundreds of dollars of expenses, and she dropped out of my wedding 3 weeks before the day. I am devastated at the lack of love and genuine support from the people we considered friends and best friends.
My wedding venue was very misleading. The venue was going through major renovations, including a bridal suite. I was told if the bridal suite was done, it would be included in my day. It was done, and I showed up with my girls to get ready, and the venue owner informed me I had to pay $700 on the spot to use the space. Unfortunately, the spoken agreement was not in the contract, so I had to get 9 people ready in a single hotel room that was 11 minutes away. I remember actually crying that the getting ready moments were forced and cramped. I have zero photos getting ready, and I ended up having to put my wedding dress on in a closet at the venue. It was an absolute nightmare.
Kevin Lush Photography
My photographer was not what I wanted, and I regret not finding someone I genuinely loved. Honestly, I can't even remember why we chose who we did. When I dug through photos to post the coffee-themed wedding post, I realized there were no detail shots. There are no photos of our rings, food tables, or centerpieces. I'm devastated that I don't even have photos I love to salvage my poor wedding memories.
Kevin Lush Photgraphy
This leads me to the last part of my wedding, which fills me with rage. My send-off was smoke bombs. I wanted it to be the one part of my wedding that was beautiful without a hitch. Before the send-off, my husband's family changed into street clothes because they left before our reception was even over. In the smoke bomb photos, which were the only thing that was important to me, my husband's entire family is in jeans and t-shirts. This is the one thing that enrages me the most. Not only were my most wanted photos ruined, but they also didn't care to stay and help clean up their son's wedding.
Kevin Lush Photography
All of these things have wounded me, even years later. I struggle with how people hurt me and showed their true colors regarding what was important to me. My husband wanted to elope because he said the wedding thing is so overrated. I remember getting so mad at him for that and accusing him of trying to take the wedding experience from me. As soon as we went on our honeymoon, I apologized and ate my words. Almost five years later, I still feel just as wounded. I regret not prioritizing my husband and beautiful photos and memories.
I tell my story to grant the struggling brides and wedding-planning folk permission to stop trying to force themselves into a box. A traditional wedding is likely to disappoint you if you don't have healthy family dynamics and truly good friends. It's okay to choose a different route to protect your peace. When planning your wedding, protecting your peace should be your number one priority. The last thing you should have is wedding regret. Choose all the things that fit your reality the best.
Until Next Time,